Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
