Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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