I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
