I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
