If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
