btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
