I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
