We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
