hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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