Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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