Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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