I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
