Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
