Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
