yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm getting married
To pizza
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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