I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
