Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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