If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you never un-have a 4some
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
