best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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