I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
These tits shall not be calmed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
