I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
