Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
