I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
