Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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