Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
