i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
