Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
