We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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