please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
