Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
