haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
