Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
