meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
