All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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