i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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