The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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