It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
