she kept yelling 'call me bella'
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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