He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
try to milk me bitch
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