i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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