In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
