you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
