There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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