All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
