we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
