READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
