i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
