even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
