you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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