To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
