but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
