I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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