I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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